Friday, May 11, 2007

Happy Birthday Kevin

My Brother and I 25 years ago.

Today is Kevin's Birthday, but he was killed in a traffic accident 25 years ago. I wish I could celebrate his 43 birthday with him.

I seem to write a lot of sad entries, but it helps to get it out. Boy do I love him!

Kevin's my adopted Brother, but I think we look alike, somewhat. He is two years older than me.

When he was 17 1/2 his Birth Mother contacted my Adopted Dad to see if Kevin wanted contact with her. At that time in his life he felt he wasn't ready for it. I gotta tell you I was so jealous of him. I would have jumped at the chance. When I went to CC to get my non-id info, the day after my 18th birthday, I told them that my Brother had died, and asked them to put a note in his file in case his Birth Mother ever tried to contact him again. That was in 1984. In 1998 Catholic Charities contacted me by letter, and asked me to call them about something important. Well, I got that letter on a Friday afternoon to late to call, and had to wait until Monday morning. I thought the entire weekend that my Birth Family was looking for me. Monday I called, and was told that Kevin's Birth Mother asked them again to see if he wanted contact. I felt so badly for her that instead of getting a yes this time she finds out that her baby died. I was so sad for her at that moment. Catholic Charities asked if I would allow her to write me. I immediately said YES! I always felt that if I never met my Birth Family, just knowing Kevin's would be just as great. It would give me another connection to him. We have been in contact with one another ever since. I know that she has so much pain, but every Birthday, holiday, anniversary of the accident she makes sure that I know that she is thinking of me. My brother and I were very close. Kevin was always there for me.
Connie emailed me last night, and because I have joined some really great adoption sites, I feel that I can understand her even more. Kevin led me to a wonderful woman His Mother! I will cherish the relationship always. I mailed Connie pictures, some things he wrote. I talked about his likes and dislikes. I tried to let her have some piece of his life. So, I have an even bigger extended family.
I just wish he would have been ready at first contact. This proves to me you should never put off things like this, because you never know what the future has in store for you.
Kevin, I salute you. My dear Brother.
All My Love forever!


Ungrateful Little Bastard said...

This is such a beautiful tribute to your brother. I'm so sorry to hear of his death. You can really see the fun you two shared. I have hard times on my adoptive dad's birthday too because I miss him.

I'm glad you and Connie are in touch and that she has you as a link to her son. For me, even though I've never met her, I feel a connection to my adopted sister's first mother too.

I don't know if you or Connie know about this, but there's a group called Lost and Found support for people in adoption who have discovered the person they were searching for has passed on. It's in my recent archives if she'd like the link.

Thanks for sharing this beautiful and happy picture of you and your brother.

suz said...

what a wonderful story and post. as a mother of loss, i can say connie is so so blessed to have you. what a gift you are to her to share her son/your brother with her even in his absence.

Anonymous said...

This happened to me during the past year. My brother died in December after a 17-year battle with AIDS. He was 40. Three weeks later, his birthfamily came looking for him. It just broke my heart, how much pain this cost his birthmother. She had lost her baby all over again.

The lesson to me was that this connection cannot be put off. He would have welcomed her with open arms at any time, and she would have welcomed him. Out of fear of rejection (and those inevitible brick walls we adoptees run into), they both put it off.

I started a search for my birthmother - for the third time - three months ago. Yesterday, she was found. KEEP LOOKING.